Things I Learned As A Bouncer

While I was still in HS, during College, and again while in the service, I worked as a bouncer in bars to make ends meet. Here is what I learned:
- It's not the size of the dog in the fight that matters, but the size of the fight in the dog.
- The guys that talk about how they will beat you up can't.
- The real tough guys never say a word, they just clock you.
- Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.
- The fights between couples are the worst to break up. I've been hit in the head with glass ashtrays and bitten by "Ladies" I've just saved fun their boyfriends.
- We can always spot fake ID. Good looking women still get in and often funny guys.
(5' 8" white guys whose ID shows a 6'8" black guy, will get in)
- If your bar has fights often(as mine did), don't drink on duty.
- Find an all nite diner close to the bar to go it after closing, a fight will break out and the owner will buy you breakfast after you break it up.
- You get to know all the ER nurses by their first names.
- Bouncers and Bartenders from the other bars always drink on the house, as you do at their bar.
- "Booze Courage" (the drunks) can't beat street fighting skills(the bouncer)
- If you weren't tough before, being a bouncer isn't going to change that.
- Alot of guys you just put out and tell them to come back another time and you'll by them a drink. Others get beat up. Why? Because some people just need a good ass whuppen.
- Unlike the song says, all the women don't get better looking at closing time, neither do the men. Believe me,I was there for years, sober when the lights went on.
- Chicks dig bouncers
AS I USED TO SAY AT THE BAR - YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO HOME, BUT YOU CAN'T STAY HERE!!!!!